Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Just one of those days

This is where Asher has been spending a lot of his time lately... behind bars. In this particular instance, he had just dumped out an entire salt shaker, that had just been filled, all over the kitchen table, while standing on the kitchen table (which he knows he is not supposed to do). 


Yup, that's right, today is "one of those days". Asher has not been a very good boy lately. In fact, he has been quite the opposite. For a while there, he was being such a little angel and was so fun and sweet, but now I think the reality has set in, that there is a new baby in town, and he is here to stay. At first Asher loved Sayer. He got excited whenever he saw him, tried to "help" him when he cried, and all that cute stuff. He will still do all those things when he is in a good mood, but if he's not, poor Sayer takes a beating. Apparently, when I say "do not hit your brother", Asher translates that to mean: "oh, you want me to do that again... with a smile on my face? Ok!" Aaaaagghhh!!!! With this, I have come to the realization that Asher is attention starved (and it was Mrs. Dub who helped me to see that, thanks!). I was starting to wonder what it is that makes having 2 kids harder, and then BAM, the answer hits me square in the face. Attention. Dividing my time between the two so that they both feel loved and appreciated and heard. Poor Asher. It makes me very grateful that we didn't get rid of "bee-dee" yet, as I now understand why Asher is more attached to it than ever. It makes me so sad to think that Asher feels neglected. In fact, it pretty much breaks my heart. But then on the other hand, I feel like Asher is making it very difficult to give him positive attention, when he is screaming or hitting or acting like a crazy child.  The fact that Asher doesn't really talk yet, isn't helping matters either.  How am I supposed to know what "eh-eh" and a high pitched "aagh-aagh" mean?!  Sigh. And I thought today was going to be a good day. I even got up early and read my scriptures first thing, and fed Asher a real breakfast, and showered! Oh well, such is life. Oh, and don't worry that it's 4:30, and I just put Asher down for a nap, which is normally against my religion, but hey, you gotta do what you can to survive the day right? Although, this will only make my day from hell longer... Whatever.  

Motherhood is hard.  It's supposed to be hard.  It is the process that was designed to help us become the people that we need, and want to become.  

This is the lesson that Heavenly Father is driving in to my brain this month!

**  I am pleased to say that after Asher's brief nap, he had a fabulous night.  We shared chicken dinos and corn, with everything dipped in ranch of course!  Then we played and played til Asher dropped.  I do love that kid, tantrums and all.  He really is a sweetheart, and I can't get enough of his hugs and kisses!

10 comments:

Becky said...

I think you are doing so well with two! It was by far the hardest jump for me, going from one, who gets all your time and attention, to two where you have to learn that delicate balance... adding number three and four were a piece of cake after that!!! Luckily days like this come one at a time so you can pluck yourself up and handle the next thing that comes along... but hey, you still have to remember that they are both SO young, don't let it get you down to much!!! :)

Josh and Michelle said...

That was cute Morgs, you crack me up. Tommorrows another day huh.

Lisa said...

I love that the fact that you had showered solidified that the day was going well - I know exactly what you mean!

Lindsay said...

I've so been where you are! Khi did exactly what Asher is doing. And he still continues with it in different forms. They both do. Dividing time never ends...but it does get better! As we speak, I have time to blog for a little bit because they are playing together so well right now! It will get better...in a couple years. Hahaha!

Bethanne said...

That is, by far, what I think is the hardest part of parenting thus far...and the age old worry of mothers everywhere: having each of our children feel like a million bucks and the most important in your eyes. I'm sure it is all still a shock to Asher's system right now! We still have moments where our kids "fight" over cuddling in my lap, but they've also realized that they are really good playmates and that makes it all easier! :) We all go thru it and it sounds like you are doing a great job! We can only do as well as we can do. And, yes, motherhood is HARD. The most challenging and rewarding thing you will ever do! :)

MATT AND COURTNEY TIEMANN said...

You're kids are so cute! I cant believe you have two! Time flies. :)
Yeah I dont mind if you add me, I wish I knew how to do that, I'm still figuring this all out.
I think we're in the same stake. Good to hear from you!

Heidi said...

O man I am already thinking how I will handle more than one child! It is good that you are finding the silver lining in the hard times!

The Allred Family said...

I remember the first few months when Maggie was born and it felt like Hallie had completly transformed into a terror child, and it broke my heart because I knew she was confused and sad. But we got through it and she and Maggie are good friends now. They love to play together. Hang in there and pray for patience!

Lark said...

Ah yes...motherhood is hard and when you add more kids to the mix it does become complicated. The worst is the worry and guilt that you constantly feel. But I guess those feelings help you become aware of the problem and want to do something about it.
Hang in there - I feel your pain.

Porters said...

I am not glad to hear that you had a bad day...but i have to admit that I am glad to discover I am not the only one. :) I am glad for your honesty. :)