Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Oh that Asher

So many times during the day, I wonder "what the heck is he thinking?!?" Last night, 2 minutes after I closed their door for bedtime, I hear pages ripping, ripping, and more ripping, accompanied by laughing. I go in there, and sure enough, Asher has completely torn apart one of his favorite books, The Polar Express. I was livid. Doesn't he understand that he will never get to read that book again? That he has completely ruined it beyond repair? That that is not how we treat things we care about? Argghhhh!!! What is he thinking???

Today, I put Asher down for his nap, like I do everyday. He likes the door open, so I give him one chance... if he gets out of his bed, I close the door. Well, he lost his chance, like usual, so I closed the door. I was very tired since we got up really early to take family pictures this morning, so I took a little nap myself. I thought he would be tired too. But when I went in there 2 hours later, after not hearing any noise, I find not a sleeping child, but his room completely torn apart. Clothes out of his drawers, sheets and blankets off his bed, blocks dumped out, train tracks dumped out and put together, his stroller basket completely emptied, including the first aid and sewing kit I keep in there. Bandaids opened and thrown everywhere. The lamp was turned on and broken, and he got up on the radiator yet again and broke the a/c vent and opened the curtains. Oh, and he had taken off his pants and underwear and peed on his bed. I. Was. TICKED!!! And, I'm pretty sure he got that message. To his credit, he did do everything I asked him to do after that... he put all his clothes in his drawers (of course I will have to go back later and fold and organize them), put all the blocks away, and put all his blankets back on his bed. The room was still a mess, but he did what he could to clean up. But I just don't get it... what on earth is he thinking when he is doing these things??? He has done these things before, and the results are never pleasant. Don't they learn? Please tell me they learn.

Of course these are only 2 examples of the kinds of things he does ALL THE TIME. The kid drives me insane. I know all 3 year olds do these kinds of things... right?? Help me to feel a tad bit better and share your kids' "what were you thinking?!" moments.

9 comments:

whitney said...

they learn. eventually. i haven't had a lot of those "what were you thinking?" moments lately, and it must be because joel and kadin are a little older... because i know i used to say that on practically a daily basis. my kids still make a complete disaster of their room with their toys, but most of the time, they have a pretty good understanding of the fact that it's not good to break or ruin things. i just think it comes with age and, of course, discipline. asher will get it.

Natalie said...

Oh, I feel your pain. I am constantly asking Luke, "why are you doing that!" But then a friend recommended I stop asking him that because he doesn't know why.

This may bring you some comfort: http://www.mormonmommywars.com/?p=1962#more-1962

And one story. My brother-in-law, who is the nicest, mild-mannered person you will ever meet, as a toddler once used scissors to shred the leather seats in his parents' car. His dad asked him why he did that and he said, "I don't know why I do the things I do." Pretty much sums it up.

Heather said...

Oh man! I would be SOOOO mad. Lucy put a rock up her nose last week and I was SO mad. I was like why in the world do you do that. I guess Natalie said it right in her story--I don't know why I do the things I do. LIke Lucy said when I asked her why she put the rock in her nose she said I just wanted to see what it was like? Ok well now that we know, lets not do that again!

Michael and Natalie said...

I'm not sure even if you knew the exact reason he did it that you would feel any better. I think that a lot when something tragic happens and people ask "why?" I don't think knowing why would necessarily make that much of a difference.

What you guys might be able to work on is teaching self control. Not that I have a toddler, but I've been doing quite a bit of reading on the subject in preparation for Olive reaching that age and what comes up over and over again is the fact that toddlers completely lack any self control and that's why they do things. Apparently self control can be taught...I don't know if I buy it...

That Terrific Toddlers book may help as well as another book called Making Your Child Mind Without Losing Yours.

James, Cameo, Jacob, Elijah said...

Jacob has had his fair share of those moments!! Once my emotions are calmed down (which means a long time has passed!!) I just kind of look back and think about some of the crazy stuff I did when I was little. Kids just don't have enough experience to really understand certain concepts. For instance the "it is broken now" concept doesn't always make sense to kids, because sometimes when things are broken we can fix them, but sometimes we can't. I don't think they know the difference. Jacob has numerous times just said to me after breaking something irreplaceable, "That's ok, we can fix it!" I think no matter how annoying it is for us, I think they are just exploring their world and trying to figure out how things work. I think I get mad because I know that Jacob is a smart kid and should know what is appropriate or not, but sometimes I think I give him too much credit - he really doesn't understand the way I do, and I just have to get through all the hard and annoying times before he has enough experience to really know. From my perspective (because I'm not his mom and I don't have to clean up the messes or deal with the losses) I just see Asher's behavior as a busy little boy filling his time with curiosities, and I can sit back and laugh at it all. At some point he will learn, but I'm sure you'll have lots of frustration along the way, and then once he outgrows that there will be a new set of frustrations to deal with as he learns other new concepts. I've realized being a mom is really HARD a lot of the time!! But the kids are so cute and worth it - at least after the disaster control has cleaned everything up!!

Morgan said...

Natalie (willes) yeah, i am actually reading a chapter in that book i was telling you about, nurture shock, that talks all about teaching preschoolers and kindergarteners self control. it is actually pretty fascinating... the whole book is. i will have to let you borrow it when i am done.

i do want to borrow that terrific toddlers book too.

cameo~ yeah, i know. i think i give asher too much credit sometimes too. a lot of it is that one day, he will be doing so well and understanding things and talking to me about them, and being calm and obedient. and then the next day, it's like he's never been able to listen to me before in his life. i know i need to be better at remembering that he is still developing so much and like you said, trying to discover and explore their world. i know he will get better. i just need to be better at not freaking out i think.

Seanlys said...

Yikes! That does not sound like a good day. I don't have any stories yet, but soon Morgan, soon I will.

Michal Thompson said...

oh no, but it does happen to all of us, no matter what. I still say that to Dylan (destruction not as bad) and he still says "I dont' know". Try to put yourself in their shoes- yeah, tearing apart a room really does sound super fun, especially when you have NO concept of natural or other consequences for those actions. Don't you just want to rip paper sometimes- the book was just there. I loved "the happies toddler on the block" and "love and logic magic for early childhood" make sure it he early childhood one. The second book will help you react more and the first will help you understand them more. Good luck!

Lisa said...

Wow - that story just kept going - I was thinking it wasn't too bad until you got to the peeing on the bed and the broken ac vent! I'm so sorry. I'm still trying to figure out this parenting stuff with only one kid but it seems like everyday something new comes up and you have to figure out a way to deal with it but also be consistent so your kids learn. Thanks for sharing!!